Second Grader Alex Evans has no grenade, but he is the bomb

In this guns-are-bad society we teach our children that everyone who handles a gun is bad.  Really?  Are soldiers bad?  Are heroes bad?  Are children playing ‘rescue the world’ bad?  Apparently so.

Seven year old, Alex Evans played ‘rescue the world’ and tossed an imaginary grenade into a make-believe box to defeat the forces of all evil and was suspended from school.  Mary Blair Elementary School’s policy does not allow for weapons or fighting whether real nor imagined.

In an attempt to make schools safe, children’s thoughts are sanitized.  Self-exploration and expression are stifled in these early formative years.  Are we doing more harm than good?  What happens when you tell an entire generation of children: ‘Don’t save the world - Don’t stand up.’

Keep blowing it up, kid.  Let your imagination go wild.  You are awesome, man.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Kim Jong Un's smartphone?

Perhaps you 'keep up' with the Kardashians.  Or follow the Beckhams, those paragons of fashion (Romeo's Burberry campaign just released!).  But I like to style-watch the young general, Kim Jong Un.  He never misses a step.  That's why I was scandalized by this outrageous running-dog capitalist rag, The Atlantic. 

As with any time a photograph of the engimatic leader is released, fashion-forward people are quick to study the pictures looking for new trends to follow.  But it appears they've taken the opportunity to criticise his choice of phones.  How pass nisht! 

In this photograph I see a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders as he possibly contemplates launching long-range nuclear capable rockets into space.  Arguing over who makes his telephone is irrelevant.   Do you see his fur trimmed coat?  It is glorious.  I want to know who his tailor is.  Or at least where I can find a decent knock-off. 

That devil-may-care pouting expression as he turns away from the camera?  The smouldering cigarette? 

You have to admit, Kim Jong Un has got IT. 

Ron Paul's outrageously insensitive tweet proves he's lost the plot

Twitter is for morons.  The only people who deserve to tweet are Mr. T, the GS Elevator Gossip,   NotTildaSwinton, and Zooey asks Siri.   Very few others have mastered the medium.  Case in point: Ron Paul. 

With 140 characters to say the most thoughtless remarks, better left forgotten in passing conversation and an awkward silence, careless words live on and are re-tweeted for mass consumption.  When former SEAL and American Sniper author, Chris Kyle and his fellow veteran Chad Littlefield were murdered at a gun range on Saturday it was sad and tragic. 

The civil and polite thing to do when someone dies is to offer condolences. 

And if you can't say something nice... don't immediately tweet a backhanded political message of 'I told you so.'

Former presidential candidate Ron Paul tweeted:

Chris Kyle's death seems to confirm that "he who lives by the sword dies by the sword." Treating PTSD at a firing range doesn't make sense

Coulda-shoulda-woulda -- two days after a heartbreaking tragedy this tweet is out of step and out of line.  Don't be so quick to judge treating PTSD at a firing range.  Exposure therapy is a technique that helps people to safely face the thing that they find frightening so they can learn to cope with it effectively.  When a horse kicks you, they say, 'Get back in the saddle.'  Gun ranges are safe places to practice with guns.  And who better to work with than Chris Kyle and Chad Littlefield? 

We don't know what the circumstances that Saturday were and it's impossible to go back in time to prevent what happened.  Sticking a knife in the wound does nobody any good.  Quoting Revelations is tasteless.  Neither Kyle nor Littlefield deserved what they got, but that's exactly what they quote means.

Peter Webber at The Week calls Ron Paul's tweet 'puzzling.'
Twitchy refers to him as 'Ghoulish'

Frankly, I think he's lacks a clue.  When he needs to be prompted that manners come first and political bickering is second, he's lost the plot. 

PRO TIP:  Wait until the man is properly buried before you exploit his death for your own gains.  It won't make you less of an asshat, but it will make you sound like less of one.

Hello Dicky, nice to see you.

It's been properly confirmed, DNA testing concludes, the skeleton found belongs to Richard III.  And facial reconstruction has brought his likeness back to life.  At least they got it done by someone who didn't know who the skull was from, and hadn't seen his portrait so as not to contaminate the reconstruction.

Oh wait, that's precisely what they did. Of course he matches his bloody portrait.

Beyonce...

Beyonce, let's talk about your halftime show for a moment.  What the crap was that?  We all know your life has taken on new meaning since Blue Ivy Carter was born, but we did not need a dramatic reenactment of the birth.

Our favorite batshit crazy Geraldo Rivera moments

There aren't too many things that both Perseus and the Sea Monster can agree upon, but we *adore* Geraldo Rivera.  We're not certain if it's the Snidely Wiplash moustache, tussling with hate group members, or the full-on bat shit crazy, but Geraldo definitely brings the WTF-ery to the table.  And this week when he let it slip he was 'in touch with some Republicans' and 'truly contemplating' a Senate run in New Jersey the whimsical fuckery hit a whole new level.  To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've decided to feature our favorite Geraldo Rivera moments.

One of his first television appearances was in Chicago, when he held up regularly scheduled programming for hours to sift through basement junk for The Mystery of Al Capone's Vault... only to find more junk.  This auspicious moment forever shaped his career. From there he went on to expose the ultimate American secret - satanic cultists are living among us.  It's a very well hidden secret, so well hidden, most people don't even know they're satanic cultists.  Actual figures on satanism hovers around 10,000 and claims of abuse are unsubstantiated, but please - don't let facts get in the way of a good story.

He earned his street-cred for awhile during the war in Afghanistan.  That is until, he reported eye-witnessing a friendly-fire incident first hand.  Except, he was 300-miles away at the time it happened.  And then he was ~ahem~ politely asked to leave the country by the 101st Airborne division when he broadcasted the battle tactics (handy map included!) for the following morning.  Soldiers are kinda sensitive about having their lives endangered.  To be fair, he has a bit of trouble reporting on military actions.  When Osama bin Laden was killed, Geraldo infamously said, "Obama is dead."  Can't make this up.

Out of my shot!  During Hurricane Katrina the New York Times alleged he pushed a rescue worker out of the way so he could assist a woman in a wheelchair while filming.  The New York Times published a retraction, but the story persists because people believe Geraldo is capable of doing it.

His cat fights are butter-popcorn-worthy.  Just take his epic spat with Michelle Malkin.  It ultimately caused Malkin to quit.  "It's good she's in D.C., and I'm in New York. I'd spit on her if I saw her." Spit on her?  First, Spitting is a nasty habit.  Second, if there was a fight, FOX would sell both tickets and commercial spots.  Somehow, I'm placing my money on Michelle.

Then there was the hoodie comment heard around the world.  Who is to blame for Trayvon Martin's death?  Now that's a loaded question, but there is room for an intelligent conversation about the night that took the poor young man's life.  However, of all the likely answers, Trayvon Martin's hoodie did not kill him.  Geraldo got this one wrong, but in true Geraldo fashion, his apology was spurious.

Would we like to see Geraldo run for the US Senate?  Hell yeahs! 

We know exactly who he works for and what motivates him.  He couldn't do much worse than what we've got now.  And let's face it, we haven't had as much fun in the Senate since Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond passed.  Those bastards were a hoot!

Euthenizing a 'Gay' Dog

Meet this poochie.  Isn't he sweet looking?  He's a pit-bulldog mix who came to the Jackson Rabies Control Animal Shelter in Jackson, Tennessee, because his owner didn't want to keep a homosexual dog.  Apparently he sniffed another male dog and attempted to mount him.  Ignoring flippant absurdity for the moment, the dog was modeling dominant behavior by mounting - not indicating a sexual preference.  Sadly the rabies control shelter has a high kill rate and there was no room for him to stay.  But fortunately this story has a happy ending.

An anonymous source posted the story to the Jackson facebook page where the story went viral.  Offers quickly poured in, but he was happily claimed early that morning by new owner Stephanie Frye a vet tech.  Stephanie has named him Elton John and says he's settling in.

Take that, suckers! Your post office has immunity.

In East Cleveland, Ohio, their letter carriers don’t just deliver the mail, they own the city. When sent citations for multiple speeding in school zone infractions, running red lights, and illegal parking, the Post Office’s lawyers responded by saying, ‘Bitch, we don’t owe you nothing.  We got this town.’ 
Actually, what they said was, “…the Postal Service enjoys federal immunity from state and local regulation.”  

Did you hear that?  Immunity.  And you thought only diplomats had it so good.
Reading letters between lawyers is rarely this entertaining.

Serve up some awesomeness at the New York Public Library

The New York Public Library, which has over 45,000 antique menus in its Rare Books Division is looking for volunteers to help transcribe and catalogue these menus, so they can be better searched and accessed.

The menus held a wealth of data ranging from the price of a cup of coffee in 1907 to the preparation and pairing of oysters over time.  If interested in volunteering, or just tracking the project’s progress, check out the New York Public Library.  Hundreds of menus are already available for search.

Stinky diaper case cracked

Furthering our belief that there isn’t anything duct tape cannot do, we humbly submit duct tape diapers as evidence.  And if your first reaction was, ‘someone would have to be on drugs to make a diaper out of duct tape,’ you would be correct.  +4 points to you, my friend.  

Two women, tried to smuggle 6 ½ kilos of cocaine from the Dominica Republic through JFK airport in duct tape diapers, but came to the attention of drug sniffing dogs.

We’re all behind the fine officers who got to the bottom of this case.